Author: Evan Forsch

Evan is an artist and writer. He lives and works in New York City. His wife and two boys inspire, encourage and prevent him from doing his work. His cartoons have appeared in The New Yorker, Readers Digest, Funny Times and more. As a graphic designer, Evan survived the destruction of his office in the WTC on 9/11. He now works from home. Evan is probably not a disinfo agent.

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Last month, when I predicted Jeb! would win the Republican nomination for President of The U.S.A lots of people called bullshit on that idea. Well, a few people… okay, it was one guy on twitter @Mike2finch He was right. It was a bad prediction. I’m pretty good at bad predictions. Back when FarmVille was all the rage, I heard the games maker, Zynga, was going public. I thought that would be as sure a bet as investments get. Luckily I’m not in charge of my household’s finances. No Zynga stock was purchased by the Forsch family.

Back in November of 2015, when I was certain Trump was just a novelty act and wouldn’t be around long I did a little promotional coloring book featuring The Donald.

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( CLICK on the pic to get a free PDF of this 8 page coloring book)

I did this hoping to get attention for a bigger coloring book I made. I figured I could get in on the trend of “adult coloring books” before it got too popular and there were a billion other books out. I really do seem to be wrong about everything. Several billion other people beat me to it. BUT what I said in jest seems to be my best prediction yet. The bloated billionaire seems to be unstoppable. Maybe the only thing that can stop Trump is if I predict he’ll be the next President?

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Dear Paranormal/Conspiracy Friends,

If you would, for just a moment, take your head out of your Ancient Civilizations and pay attention to the present, I’d like to tell you about an amazing new technology that geneticists are using called CRISPR.

I’ve heard it mentioned a lot on science podcasts but not on conspiracy podcasts or forums. Please educate yourselves on this amazing new tech so that you can explain it to me.

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Knowing when companies are ripe to invest in is easier than picking apples. But investing can’t be done seasonally. You’ve got to watch your money like you binge watch Jessica Jones. Pay close attention and only look away when RunPee says you can. And when you do look away, it should be at a second TV tuned to CNBC.

Like picking the perfect orchard to pick your apples, do some research on your prospective investments. Where are they located? Are they government subsidized? What kind of chemicals are sprayed on their crops and/or employees? Most experts agree that lightly Government subsidized companies with heavily, chemically treated employees perform the best.

Once you’ve found a few promising orchards, how many apples should you pick? What’s the ratio of time spent on picking verses possible number of apples you can consume before they wither and rot like that tech company I put all my Bar Mitzvah money into thirty years ago?

In a recent interview in New Antiques Monthly, legendary investor John “Jack” Bogle revealed his formula for comparing apples to investments.

($=C )D – A = $ x 1000

$ is your personal financial savings. C is average daily calorie consumption. D is dietary and dollar fluctuation. A is some kind of black magic blood sacrifice. Bogle refused to give details.

So we know that money can be compared to apples because that’s the premise of this article and I’m claiming Jack Bogle has done it.  How can you gain even a tiny fraction of the wealth of John “Jack” Bogle or John “Jack” Welch or Warren “Jack” Buffett?

First, think hard and really appreciate the metaphor of money as apples. Second, pray to whatever puny gods you believe in for wealth and prosperity. Third, and most important, change your name to “Jack.”

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Happy New Year! Sorry Canadians, I’m posting about US Politics. I just have to get this online so I can point to it later and say “I told you so!” Jeb Bush will be the Republican nominee for President in 2016. His father & brother both successfully used the method of laying low as long as possible. It’s been obvious for a long time that Jeb is doing the same thing. I’m pretty sure it’s just good old human evil genius not Bohemian Grove – Alien Snake – Illuminati Overlords pulling off this strategy but either way, I’m calling it now. Bush gets the 2016 nomination. I actually published the cartoon below a week ago in The Villager. My prognostication does not go so far as to claim he’ll beat Hillary but those two will be the nominees.

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Okay. Now that I’ve put that out there, I just have to say, I’m not a Jeb! fan. I’m a liberal independent. I am all for Bernie. But his chances seem bleak. He’s too set on doing good to be let into the Oval Office.

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The Legendary Lee Speigle recently wrote on Huff Post about all the objects people think they see on Mars. Putting aside all debate on the reality of these objects I was struck particularly by a “Martian God Statue” image that was “enhanced” in a YouTube video by Paranormal Crucible

NASA’s photo on the left, Paranormal Crucible’s artistic rendering on the right.

Below, my artistic rendering

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To me the NASA photo looks much more like The Venus of Willendorf

than a greco-roman statue. 

Is it me? Do I just see boobies everywhere? The short answer is yes. 

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One night last week, among the usual dreams of getting lost in a train station or discovering i’m not wearing pants in a high school classroom, I had other images floating through a particularly magical part of my dream. I saw a silver snake, reverse “s” shaped. The objects important meaning in the dream was lost when I woke up but I did this quick sketch of it. 

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Later in the day when I had time to do some research I went to google image search. After an exhaustive five minutes, the only thing I found resembling my dream snake was a necklace on sale on eBay.co.uk. Using keen detective skills and a few mouse clicks, I found the seller was a pretty cool jewelry store in Utah called Badali Jewelry. I wrote to them asking what the inspiration was behind their snake necklace. 

Since it had appeared to my unconscious mind it must be some sort of Jungian archetype. Perhaps it was an ancient symbol from the Sumerians or, dare I say it, a projection directly into my mind from the Annunaki!

Dear Evan,

  We thought it was a suiting shape for a snake – S. It’s the most natural shape for a snake hanging in the air.

Best Wishes,

Loria Call

Badali Jewelry

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