Category: Possibillianist G-gnome

Can we remember not being in the moment?

These are strictly my thoughts and many questions. Perhaps one day I will have the time and inclination to see what scientific studies say about this, if there are any.

My main question is…. Will I remember more if I spend more time in the present? Or the reverse…. Can I remember specific parts in my past when I was not in the moment?

This question all started with a conversation with my sister Jo. She was telling me about how hearing a song brought her intensely back to a time when she was young. Emotions and feelings came with this memory, who she was with, what they were doing, etc, etc. She was snapped right back to that moment in time when she was listening to that song before. We talked about how smells and other triggers can also do this. So I asked her if she thought she would have been able to have those memories if she wasn’t “present” at the time. Jo found this as intriguing as I did, so we explored that question a little further.

This has been a topic of conversation in our family before; maybe that’s why this was so interesting to us. My mom took a sort of self helpy course in the late 80’s and she came home talking about how she was “internal”. This was the way they would describe not being in the moment back then I guess. Nowadays I think they say you are “in your head”. So….., mom was learning about being present and would go around apologizing when she wasn’t listening or paying attention saying, sorry dear I must have been internal. It became kind of an inside joke about mom being internal. Later in life I remember dad giving me advice to stay in the moment. Funny how relevant that simple advice was, looking back on it now. I am sure that I underestimated it back then and can only hope that it stuck in my subconscious somehow. Or maybe I was following it without really realizing it. But now after truly tying to practice this along with meditation I am realizing how powerful this advice was.

mindfulness image

Back to the original somewhat vague question, which really just lead me to many more….. It may seem obvious but if Jo was internal, in her head, daydreaming or whatever you want to call it would she have been able to recall that moment many years later. Can we access memories of the past when we were not being present?  Or, maybe it’s not black and white and it depends on how focused you are. It seems to me though that my past memory would be much stronger if I was in the moment. If I am worrying about the past or future would I be able to remember that as strong as if I was fully present. It makes me think of those flashback memories on the silver screen. Vivid video type images of a past event…. sometimes that seems to really happen to us. Maybe the intensity of that video type memory has to do with how focused or “in the moment” (or even emotional?)  we were at the time.

Maybe I am biased now but it seems like my memory – now to think of it, it’s not like factual statistical recall memory but more like experiential memory seems to have improved over the past few years since trying to practice mindfulness meditations, etc.

 mind_full

When I think back to times of greater unawareness in my life the memory seems vague or blurry, sometime just plain missing. Granted that could also be due to external things like alcohol or drugs.

Many of us have experienced this while driving, where all of a sudden you realize you are 20 minutes into your drive and you can’t remember anything along the way. We have just been subconsciously driving. Fast forward 20 years and where do those 20 minutes go. Is it available to our conscious memory? Is it somewhere buried deep inside? It is just as easy to access as if we were in the moment during that 20 min drive? What would we be able to access from it anyway…. some day-dream of future or past events? Does that “internal” part of our life disappear?

Does one’s level of awareness have any correlation to quality of memory? Can we create more memory or are we always maxing out? Talking to my sister again about this and funny enough we both remember exactly where we were driving while discussing this originally. She also made an interesting point about being “in the zone”,  “the pocket” or “void” whatever you wish to call that space where time slows down and you instinctively create. Basically super focused, usually while playing sports, performing arts, or creating something. She figures she can’t remember details while in the zone but will remember more during conversations with people. I understand what she means but I don’t think I can say the same. I do feel that stuff happens automatically while in the zone but I seem to remember it the same as generic experiences in the present.

I find these questions fascinating and maybe will try experimenting a bit with it, or at least be aware of it and see if anything changes. I know that as it stands I still forget way too much!!

Thanks for reading,

Possibillianist G-gnome (Graham)

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Amazing Orb Video from my friends Condo.

My friend just returned from a sweat lodge. He was taking a video of his tiny little dog trying to jump onto the couch. After a while he noticed something and exclaimed in excitement that if his spirit guides were there “to light it up a bit”. Although there appears to be many orbs flying around through the whole video check out around 2:11 in the video for the best orb fly by!!

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Orb video from Cathedral Vortex in Sedona

After the hike up to the top of Cathedral I took some time to meditate and take a short video of the surroundings. I didn’t look at my videos until after the trip and while showing a friend she noticed the orb. I didn’t believe her and when I went back I was shocked to see the little guy float across the bottom of the screen.

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I had previously attended an event put on by Kai and Serah… so I kind of knew what to expect. But I had no idea what type of experience I would have this time around. The previous one was a gathering of a couple hundred of us all lying down in a large circular room with an array of ancient instruments pumped through a massive sound system. There were incense burning, crystals and other new agey type stuff. I’m ok with that. Guys were walking around with Didgeridoos throwing sound through the air at you. Chimes and beautiful vocals rang throughout.

I love audio as it is, so this was amazing to me. It really affected my physically… at one point my body was vibrating. It started with a small shiver and built up to a full vibration and it felt like every cell in my body was alive and vibrating. It was like the wildest guided meditation but live, with amazing energy, sounds and smells.

So when I heard about another little event put on by this fabulous couple I didn’t hesitate to sign up. This was the Shamanic Sound and Breath Journey, in a smaller venue with only 12 of us. With towering Bose speakers hooked up to all kinds of instruments I knew I was in for a treat. It was a very loving atmosphere and it started with us gathering in a tight circle setting our intention for the 3-4 hour evening. Kai then went around and did a sort of reading with each of us in turn. I didn’t really like what he had to say to me and I didn’t agree. But I forced myself to be openminded about it and in a genuine effort to grow I really tried to look deep inside to learn something about myself.

After we had settled in on the floor they taught us a breathing technique to follow for at least 30-45 while the music was played fairly heavy and loud. I think this was to shake things up and out a bit.  After that we would relax to a smooth flow or all kinds of music and just enjoy the ride. Throughout this journey they would come around the room and perform hands on or crystal healing. One of the guys would roam around with his didge – I had no idea what crazy sounds that instrument could make.

I’ve always known that our Chakra’s were true energy centers in our bodies, but I hadn’t really felt them physically before this experience. Needless to say…. it must have been a little ways into the journey and my whole body was vibrating with the beautiful music. I heard the didge coming closer to me and the sound must have been thrown at my root chakra because I felt this swirling vibration just above my pelvic region over my root chakra. The feeling moved up my body a bit to the next two chakras. That went on for a while until I felt this twinge beneath the skin at my third eye. This shocked me – a real physical sensation beneath the skin.

Soon after that she came around and jabbed the point of a massive crystal into the top of my head. She had my head in her hands opening up my chakras. I felt my third eye open up, and although my eyes were closed I felt my vision change/open up slightly. I now felt my whole head vibrating and I could honestly feel the vibrations going through my crown. I soaked it in for a while and then became completely aware that everything was open except for my heart and my throat. Soon after thinking this he comes over and somehow knows to put one hand on my heart and one hand on my throat. He goes through his healing ritual and sure as shit I completely open up. My heart and throat are vibrating and it’s flowing up and down through my whole body. He releases his hands for a few moments waiting. Then he puts them back seemingly to check and make sure he was successful. Well, he was… they all were. It was blissful – full on vibrations coursing through my body.

After a while the sensations calmed down and it was just relaxing to a variety of music, singing and sounds. Once it was over we all got back together in a circle and checked in. Some of us talked about our experiences. Every one was unique and there was truly lots of love in the room.

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Picture

Shamanic Sound and Breath Journey

I had previously attended an event put on by Kai and Serah… so I kind of knew what to expect. But I had no idea what type of experience I would have this time around. The previous one was a gathering of a couple hundred of us all lying down in a large circular room with an array of ancient instruments pumped through a massive sound system. There were incense burning, crystals and other new agey type stuff. I’m ok with that. Guys were walking around with Didgeridoos throwing sound through the air at you. Chimes and beautiful vocals rang throughout.

I love audio as it is, so this was amazing to me. It really affected my physically… at one point my body was vibrating. It started with a small shiver and built up to a full vibration and it felt like every cell in my body was alive and vibrating. It was like the wildest guided meditation but live, with amazing energy, sounds and smells.

So when I heard about another little event put on by this fabulous couple I didn’t hesitate to sign up. This was the Shamanic Sound and Breath Journey, in a smaller venue with only 12 of us. With towering Bose speakers hooked up to all kinds of instruments I knew I was in for a treat. It was a very loving atmosphere and it started with us gathering in a tight circle setting our intention for the 3-4 hour evening. Kai then went around and did a sort of reading with each of us in turn. I didn’t really like what he had to say to me and I didn’t agree. But I forced myself to be openminded about it and in a genuine effort to grow I really tried to look deep inside to learn something about myself.

After we had settled in on the floor they taught us a breathing technique to follow for at least 30-45 while the music was played fairly heavy and loud. I think this was to shake things up and out a bit.  After that we would relax to a smooth flow or all kinds of music and just enjoy the ride. Throughout this journey they would come around the room and perform hands on or crystal healing. One of the guys would roam around with his didge – I had no idea what crazy sounds that instrument could make.

I’ve always known that our Chakra’s were true energy centers in our bodies, but I hadn’t really felt them physically before this experience. Needless to say…. it must have been a little ways into the journey and my whole body was vibrating with the beautiful music. I heard the didge coming closer to me and the sound must have been thrown at my root chakra because I felt this swirling vibration just above my pelvic region over my root chakra. The feeling moved up my body a bit to the next two chakras. That went on for a while until I felt this twinge beneath the skin at my third eye. This shocked me – a real physical sensation beneath the skin.

Soon after that she came around and jabbed the point of a massive crystal into the top of my head. She had my head in her hands opening up my chakras. I felt my third eye open up, and although my eyes were closed I felt my vision change/open up slightly. I now felt my whole head vibrating and I could honestly feel the vibrations going through my crown. I soaked it in for a while and then became completely aware that everything was open except for my heart and my throat. Soon after thinking this he comes over and somehow knows to put one hand on my heart and one hand on my throat. He goes through his healing ritual and sure as shit I completely open up. My heart and throat are vibrating and it’s flowing up and down through my whole body. He releases his hands for a few moments waiting. Then he puts them back seemingly to check and make sure he was successful. Well, he was… they all were. It was blissful – full on vibrations coursing through my body.

After a while the sensations calmed down and it was just relaxing to a variety of music, singing and sounds. Once it was over we all got back together in a circle and checked in. Some of us talked about our experiences. Every one was unique and there was truly lots of love in the room.


I’m absolutely fascinated with that space where science and spirituality overlap. There are so many studies now that are showing there is more to our reality than what we are lead to believe. For me, practically speaking meditation is a large part of this, and mindfulness specifically. One of my favourite science based mindfulness researchers is Daniel J. Siegel. Check out his audio “the mindful brain” or his new one “Mindsight” . It’s absolutely fascinating and I can’t help but wonder why this isn’t yet a main part of our culture. There are literally thousands of studies on meditation with many positive results.

I practice regular meditation not because it has been scientifically proven to be beneficial but because I truly enjoy it. I enjoy the relaxation and the physical and emotional awareness it brings. For me it could simply be considered as plain ole practice for staying in the moment. A friend of mine recently said she thinks that whenever you are completely present you are meditating. I agree with that to a certain extent but for me it goes deeper than that. I hear a lot of people say that they can’t calm their minds down or they think way too much and they can’t meditate because they can’t stop thinking. They feel that you are supposed to be able to complete shut you mind off during meditation. It’s a common misconception.

It’s more about watching your thoughts, without judgement and just learning to become aware of them. As this ability increases the gap between your thoughts increases and the monkey mind does slow down. I don’t believe you can ever truly silence it, but what a gift to be able to stop and make a conscious choice whether to continue negative thinking or switch to something positive. There was a time when I could not imagine sitting quietly for more than a couple of minutes. Now I would actually consider a 10 day silent Vipassana retreat.

Lately I have been practicing a wide variety of Monroe Institute, Hemi-snyc mediations, OSHO active meditations and group guided meditations. Hemi-sync plays different frequencies of sound in each ear and is shown to bring you to the meditative state much quicker. What took those poor monks hours can now take just minutes. I just started practicing OSHO meditations and they are a little more active. They are usually divided into 15 minute segments for a full hour. You go through some sort of physical stage, like dancing or jumping up and down and then you end up sitting or lying quietly in contemplation. It took me a bit to get over my fear or moving around like that in a group….. sober! Recently I practiced a full day of meditations and reiki healing in a large pyramid. That was a great experience and I will tell that small tale another time.

My next little quest will be a sensory deprivation flotation chamber 1 hour meditation!! I thought I would have to travel far and wide but there is one right here in Calgary.

@G-gnome

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