Line breaks: ker|fuf¦fle Pronunciation: /kəˈfʌf(ə)l
Noun [in singular] British • informal
A commotion or fuss, especially one caused by conflicting views.
So you’re in a tough spot in your life and you don’t know what to do. You work at a job that you hate and although you would love to tell your boss where he/she can respectively shove it, the bills are stacking up and it doesn’t look like there are any jobs available that you would be able to do. As your sit on your futon in the late afternoon eating a spicy chicken Cup Noodles in your living room contemplating your plight in life, out of nowhere comes an aggressive, rapid knocking on your front door. Confused, you stare at the front entrance to your little domicile debating on how you should proceed. Before you can come to a decision, a voice that sounds oddly familiar comes blasting from the other side.
“Put down the Cup Noodles, get off of the futon and answer the door!”
Next blog post: How Nissin and Cup Noodles is ripping off the everyday consumer.
Well this just got weird. You feel a tinge of apprehension flow down your spine. And although you do decide to put down your Cup Noodles, you also decide to remain silent in hopes of your late afternoon visitor departing. Thirty seconds pass and the aggressive knocking begins again followed by your name being shouted and telling you that you have to hurry. You gather your courage, approach your front door and peer through the peep hole. What you see makes you gasp in disbelief and momentarily question your sanity. What you see is, if you haven’t already guessed, is what appears to be… you. Only a slightly older version of you. The older version of you bangs on your door again, shouts your name and says, “I know your standing at the door! We don’t have time for this! We have to go now! There’s no time to explain!” This puts you in a predicament because either:
A: You’ve just encountered yourself from the future who risked the space-time continuum and existence as we know it to warn you of some impending danger.
B: Your doppelgänger has formulated a brilliant rouse in order to draw you out of your house, murder you and then proceed to commandeer your life leaving your family and loved ones none the wiser.
C: A group of shape shifting, nymphomaniac extraterrestrials have traveled millions of light years so that they could trick you out of your house and into their spacecraft where numerous sex-capades will then ensue.
As tempting as option C is, given your current situation, you’re not that lucky. If it was your doppelgänger, according to folklore, you’re going to die anyway. That leaves option A. But how can you be sure? Well if you’re like me, you have selected a safe word for just such an occasion. Ha ha, yes, I know. What are the chances that I’m ever going to need it, right? Well, if you had a safe word, you wouldn’t be so weary as to the double standing on the opposite side of your front door right now would you. What’s that? That was just a fictional situation that I had placed you in as an example of the importance of a safe word to be used by a future you in case of an emergency. Touché vigilant reader, touché.
An appropriate visual approximation of your mental prowess.
That doesn’t negate the importance of selecting a safe word for just such a situation. It’s quick, it’s easy and most importantly, it’s practical. Laugh all you want but given the rate of technological advances that mankind is making, I don’t think it’s that farfetched to say that one day, man will master time. Whether or not that day will be in your or my lifetime is yet to be determined but science is definitely headed in the right direction. You may have heard recently that physicists at the Kavli Institute of Nanoscience at the Delft University of Technology reported that they were able to reliably teleport information between two quantum bits separated by three meters, or about 10 feet. And although this breakthrough isn’t quite to the level of Star Trek and other science fiction, it is still a breakthrough. How much longer will we have to wait for that teleportation of our imaginations or the ability to travel to the time of Stonehenge and see exactly who the hell built it and how? How long before we have reached what is known as the singularity of Mankind? With the pace we’re at, who knows? You might be having sweet cyber slumber before you know it.
As long as the Aves don’t beat us to it.
I’m not here to argue all of the paradoxes and mind F’s that come along with time travel; that’ll be a different post. Instead, let this serve as a thought experiment. If you were to come across your future self who warned of a pressing matter that required your assistance, what would you do? Could you trust him? You could if you had a safe word. If you haven’t guessed mine yet, then you haven’t been paying attention. I’m sure one of you will guess it and I’ll have to think of another one which isn’t a problem. Like I said, it’s quick, it’s easy and of course, it’s practical. So paradoxes aside, let’s say you could travel to any time forward or backward, where would you go? I often find myself debating this. For a long time, it was to be in the cockpit with Amelia Earhart and Fred Noonan. It was one of the first mysteries that caught my young mind’s imagination. But with the increase of my nerd-like knowledge of all things mysterious and Fortean, I go back and forth between the great mysteries of our time. The pyramids of Giza, the Patterson Gimlin Film, Dyatlov Pass, Rendlesham Forest, the Resurrection, the Nazca Lines; my mind goes on and on. So I’m curious where you would go? If you stumbled on a time machine and you only had enough power to go one place and back, when and where would that be? Well that’s it for me my friends. Stay classy Grahamerica… errr.. Grimerica.