I recently traveled to Washington DC with my family to visit some friends for an end-of-summer mini vacation. While I couldn’t explore the fringe here as much as I would have liked, I definitely scratched that itch. This was my second trip here within three years, although this time our visit to see the White House was impeded by barricades. Strangely enough, when we approached from the backside, a guard opened the barricade and let us through. We were the only people that got to walk along the sidewalk while everyone else was across the street. After we took a few photos, the guard came running and told us he just got the call to get us out of there. Away we went to see some more monuments and spent the rest of the day doing some general sightseeing.
|An old well I almost fell into.|
|Stone foundation frame of some ancient building.|
I did some research online about the Mount Vernon area where we were staying and dug up the story of the Mt. Vernon Monster. The reports detail the strange sounds heard by residents around the area of George Washington’s estate (which we were only about a five minute drive from) sometime in the late 1970’s. Some attributed the screams and growls to Sasquatch while others claim it was a hoax pulled off by bored teenagers. The next day my son and I then ventured out into the Virginia wilds to do some exploring and some half-ass ‘Squatching. I took a few pics of some weird and cool looking tree bends and other stuff on our journey but unfortunately we did not find Bigfoot. As we pushed further into unknown territory, we found an old camp with a rusty barrel used for a fire. It also had scattered beer cans and car parts. Further still, and evading multitudes of spiders and their webs, I was leading the way when I almost walked right into an old well. Adjacent to this well was the stone outline of the foundation of a long gone building. Check out the photos above. I’m not sure how old these structures were but they must have been several decades by my guess. After this we eventually made our way out of the brush and back to the house. Little to my knowledge I brought back a personal surprise.
It was quite hot outside so we took a dip in the swimming pool for an hour. Awhile later, I showered up and and we went out to eat. After a day of hiking and a good meal I slept like a baby.
Saturday morning came and it was a perfect day to head out on the boat even though the water was a bit choppy. Cruising the Potomac was incredible and an excellent way to view many interesting things. I am told the tower structure in the top photo is the Masonic Temple which I wanted to visit but couldn’t because of our schedule. Next, we passed by the U.S. Naval Research Laboratory. This is the home of directed energy weapons, nanotechnology, acoustic weapons technology, and many other classified projects. I think it’s pretty crazy that one can get that close on a boat but they’ll probably cut you in half with a laser if they wanted to. We also had views of the Washington Monument and rolled up on the Pentagon. After the sightseeing and hanging out beneath incoming planes by the airport, we headed back for some tubing and knee boarding. A fine day indeed.
Sunday concluded our visit but not before an excursion to a couple Smithsonian museums. We first went to the Natural History Museum where we were greeted by a real Moai statue. After checking out the mammals exhibit, we headed to the Hall of Human Origins. This was one I was looking forward to seeing with open eyes and a new perspective. I noticed how downplayed Cro-magnon man was and how difficult it was to locate information and displays on him. Cro-magnon is believed to be the species where Rh negative blood types were introduced. Aside from our brief time investigating here, it was apparent with an open mind that there was much disinformation and propaganda to be found in the shadows of global warming, evolution, and so on. I guess it’s to be expected in this staple of scientific institutions. Onwards, we hit up the Museum of American History and saw a few really amazing artifacts which included a family radiation measurement kit and the original Acid Test poster used by Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters in the 60’s. Most unexpectedly, we ventured to see the Star Spangled Banner and I was bombarded by very deep emotions as I took a seat and gazed upon this flag. This proved to be the most profound moment of my visit to DC and came totally out of nowhere. From here we left our touristy ways and caught some lunch and prepared for our return flight home.
A day after we got home I was milling about the house and decided to take a shower. As I stepped in and started to wash up, I noticed something wasn’t quite right about my junk. There, to my bewilderment and horror, was my gift of the Virginian forest. A tick, bloated and purple, was snugly sucking away on the sweet scrotum juice of my balls. How this bastard survived swimming, showers, and laundry, I’ll never know. I saved you from the visual evidence of a photograph so you’ll just have to use your imagination.
The moral of the story is that you should always inspect your genitals thoroughly after after a day squatching in the woods.